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casper1023
21 October 2009 @ 06:08 pm

 

Kelly got a dog named Pepe. I got a spot on homecoming court. I got the job in the front office after school. My mom still won't give me my car back. My eighteenth birthday is in 2 days. Ahmet is throwing me a party. My relationship status is questionable but I am being patient because this red head really has a hold on my heart...

I'm confused as always but I love my life no matter how ridiculous it gets with each day.

 
 
casper1023
07 September 2009 @ 07:01 pm
I still haven't been to sleep after tripping last night with Adam, Kelly and Cassidy and it's 10pm the NEXT day. I have been awake since yesterday morning. Happy Labor Day...

I'm feeling really weird, like you should after a sleepless acid trip. I realized we're never going to know everything we want to know. I realized that I want to stay with Adam for as long as possible, and that Kelly and Cassidy are closer to me than anyone else. I also realized that all it takes to make me happy is simple: cuddle me.
 
 
Current Music: the dirty projectors -- useful chamber
 
 
casper1023
15 August 2009 @ 12:52 pm
This is the first time I've smoked since I've been arrested. Although it's only been two days, I haven't been able to eat, sleep, or deal with my emotions without weed. That looks like it could be a problem, but since I've been fasting at least now I am ripped off of one [stolen] swat.
Ironically enough, I was arrested for stealing...
 
 
Current Mood: ripped
Current Music: alex's mix cd #2 (from adam)
 
 
casper1023
10 July 2009 @ 07:55 pm
June 10- I SAW ANIMAL COLLECTIVE/BLACK DICE @ FIRESTONE ON JUNE 10TH, and it was fucking amazing. I was with Adam, Ashley Marzullo, and O'Neal Brown. It was amazing -- I was tripping really hard on a pile of mushrooms and I never stopped dancing. I can die happily now that I've seen my favorite band play live and within feet of me. My favorite song was definitely Fireworks...Hooray for older songs!

Adam and I began dating at some point after this momentous event. I'm glad I can call him mine :)
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: smitten
Current Music: Band of Horses
 
 
casper1023
17 February 2009 @ 06:52 pm
I am listening to the Purple Bottle.

My household is full of hostility and negative vibes. I feel the need to escape growing more with each day and each awful family dinner.

My relationship is a relationshit.

Other than the Pastore's, I feel that my "friends" are mere desperate attempts to make a connection with someone that can understand me, but all I end up with are hollow, dead end friendships. People to get fucked up with.

I don't even bring school supplies to school.

I ran out of weed.

I am just depressed in general, and although I am pretty sick of it, I'm used to it and good at faking normality in public places.

Everything is falling apart.

And I don't care?
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: mixed emotions
Current Music: Animal Collective
 
 
 
casper1023
09 February 2009 @ 08:03 pm
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Every time I feel happy, I am brought down within minutes. I just want to stay where I'm at, but I just keep getting pushed into a negative direction. I'm craving inner peace; I feel really out of touch with myself. (Whoever that is...)
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: highhigh
Current Music: Band of Horses
 
 
casper1023
23 December 2008 @ 07:07 pm
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Everything is very undefined and blurry right now, and I am really stressed and anxious. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my nervous, twitching body; the Adderall-esque ache within the pit of my stomach. I feel awful.

Nothing is going the way I want it to and I am too impatient to wait for my jigsaw to fall into place.
I don't know why I am deluded into thinking that 18 is the magic number that will make all of this go away, but right now it's the only hope I have and I am latching on to it. It makes me feel so hypocritical to be holding on so tightly to a seemingly false hope after bashing religion so much...

The past is haunting, dwelling on the future is unnerving, and the present is just plain shit for now. 
What is the pleasure in being your own person if you can't even relate to others when it comes to your deepest thoughts and feelings?
I just want to meet someone more like me. Or am I such a freak that it will never happen? I really just want someone to understand me and make me feel a little less alone in this fucked up world.
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: no cars go -- the arcade fire
 
 
casper1023
06 July 2008 @ 12:16 am
John Frost is slowly killing me from the inside out as they days go by...
I am so weak; it's despicable.


P.S. I've also recently been a victim of Swamp juice.
 
 
Current Mood: coldcold
Current Music: grizzly bear
 
 
casper1023
21 June 2008 @ 07:32 pm
I went to Seaside Fiesta on Flagler Thursday and every one I knew was there. It was my kind of evening.

Chryssha and I were smoking a joint behind Quiet Flight and as soon as we were finished, bicycle cops rolled in and caught Nate, Max and Logan with bud. Luckily enough, they actually let them go and sent them home. I will most likely not smoke weed in public anymore, no matter how drunk I am...

Later on at 11pm, the cops started driving up and down Flagler with megaphones yelling at everyone to go home.

Katie saved me by picking me up and her and I went to Adam's and got even more stoned and watched Tim & Eric and Squidbillies. It was the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life. Adam is awesome, and his house is the definition of the word "crib."
Later on we snuck into Minorca, but a security guard kicked us out of the hot tub and Katie and I went back to her house to pass out. Typical day in the life.
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Animal Collective
 
 
casper1023
16 June 2008 @ 09:30 pm
I have really taken to some strange sleeping and eating habits since summer began.

I am a fucking prisoner.
 
 
Current Location: my bed
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: modest mouse